By Sunil Ramlochan in Inspire with Content — 15 Feb 2025

The Secret to Influence - Turning Pain into Power for Lasting Change

The key to making the biggest impact (and money) lies in helping people realize that staying the same is more painful than change. Learn the secret formula to influence, inspire, and create breakthroughs with the power of "why."

1. Why Change is Hard – Until It’s Not

Change is like a gym membership in January—everyone wants results, but few stick with it past February. Why? Because comfort zones are cozy, even when they’re suffocating.

The biggest reason people resist change is simple: They haven’t felt enough pain staying the same. The moment they realize that their current situation is unbearable, change stops being an option and becomes a necessity.

If you want to inspire people to transform—whether in business, coaching, or leadership—you need to show them that not changing is costing them more than changing ever will.

2. The Psychology of Pain and Motivation

Humans are driven by two major forces:

Pain avoidance (I don’t want to be broke, alone, overweight, stuck)
Pleasure seeking (I want success, love, health, freedom)

The catch? Pain is a stronger motivator than pleasure. That’s why people don’t act until their backs are against the wall.

Example: A person might ignore their health for years until a doctor says, “You have six months if you don’t change.” Suddenly, diet and exercise aren’t optional—they’re urgent.

Your job? Make people feel the urgency now, before life forces it upon them.

3. How to Make People Want Change

You can’t force change on people, but you can guide them to the realization that not changing is the real risk.

How to do it:

Tell stories – Case studies, testimonials, or personal experiences of transformation.
Ask the right questions – “What happens if nothing changes in the next five years?”
Show them their potential – Paint the vision of what’s possible once they commit to change.

People don’t move because they’re pushed. They move because they finally see a future worth running toward.

4. The Miracle Formula: Commitment to the Why

This is the game-changer. When people connect with why they want change, everything shifts.

The Miracle Formula:

Get them to commit to their WHY – Not just “I want more money,” but why it matters. Security? Freedom? Confidence?
Tie the why to a deeper emotion – What happens if they don’t change? What pain will they avoid?
Reframe failure as fuel – Their past struggles aren’t proof of failure, but evidence they’re close to a breakthrough.

When someone owns their why, they become unstoppable. And when they commit to change with you, you become unforgettable.

5. Turning Weakness into Strength: The Breakthrough Strategy

Most people see their limitations as a dead end. But what if their biggest excuse is actually the key to their transformation?

Examples:

Fear of failure? That means you care deeply—turn that passion into persistence.
Lack of time? That means you value efficiency—use it to optimize, not avoid.
No confidence? That means you’ve been knocked down—now you have the resilience to rise.

Once people see that their weakness can be leveraged as a strength, change stops feeling like an uphill battle and starts feeling like destiny.

6. Why This Time Will Be Different (And How to Prove It)

Let’s be real—most people have tried (and failed) before. What makes this time different?

How to make them believe in their own breakthrough:

A new strategy – “You failed before because you lacked the right approach, not the ability.”
A clear roadmap – Break it down into bite-sized wins instead of overwhelming change.
A support system – They’re not doing this alone. Accountability = momentum.

Convince them that their past failures were just lessons, not limitations.

7. Mastering the Art of Influence and Persuasion

People don’t buy products, coaching, or advice—they buy transformation.

Keys to Influencing Change:

Speak to their emotions – Facts tell, but emotions sell.
Make them see themselves winning – “Imagine waking up and feeling unstoppable.”
Use urgency wisely – “How much longer will you wait to start living at full potential?”

The best influencers don’t push change—they pull people into their own breakthroughs.

The Breakthrough Influence Framework: Turning Pain into Power

Step 1: Identify the Pain of Staying the Same

Why People Resist Change Until It Hurts

People don’t change just because they should—they change because they must. The driving force behind every major life transformation is the realization that staying the same is more painful than changing.

When someone is stuck in an unproductive cycle, they often rationalize their inaction:

“It’s not that bad yet.”
“I’ll deal with it later.”
“Maybe things will improve on their own.”

This type of thinking keeps them comfortable, but not happy—stuck in a limbo where their problems quietly compound over time.

Your job is to break that illusion of comfort by making them confront the true cost of inaction. Once they feel the weight of their stagnation, the decision to change will no longer feel like a choice—it will feel like a necessity.

How to Make the Pain of Inaction Unavoidable

1. Ask Discomforting But Necessary Questions

Self-reflection is the fastest way to create urgency. Instead of telling someone why they need to change, ask powerful, unsettling questions that force them to face their reality.

✅ Future Regret Questions:

“What will happen if nothing changes in the next 6 months? 1 year? 5 years?”
“How much more time are you willing to waste before taking action?”

✅ Impact Questions:

“How is this problem affecting your health, relationships, career, or finances?”
“What opportunities have you already missed because of this?”

✅ Identity Questions:

“Are you okay with being the person who never takes action?”
“If your younger self could see you now, would they be proud or disappointed?”

These questions cut through denial and create an emotional shift. When people verbalize their fears and see the long-term consequences of their inaction, they can no longer pretend that “staying the same” is a safe option.

2. Use Real-Life Examples That Hit Home

People don’t always connect with abstract ideas—but they do connect with stories. Use real-life examples that mirror their struggles so they can see themselves in the narrative.

✅ For Fitness Coaches:

“I had a client who ignored his weight gain for years. It wasn’t until his doctor warned him about diabetes that he realized how serious it was. If he had started sooner, he wouldn’t have had to fight for his health—he could have maintained it.”

✅ For Business or Sales:

“One of my clients wanted to start a business but kept putting it off. After five years, she saw others in her industry succeed while she was still stuck in the same job, with the same paycheck, and the same regrets. The real cost of waiting? Five years of missed growth, income, and freedom.”

✅ For Personal Development:

“A friend of mine stayed in a toxic relationship for years, believing things would get better. By the time they finally left, they had wasted so much energy trying to ‘fix’ someone else instead of focusing on their own happiness.”

The lesson? Waiting doesn’t make problems disappear—it just makes them harder to fix.

3. Show the Hidden Costs of Inaction

Most people don’t realize that staying in their comfort zone isn’t free—it comes with a heavy price. Make them see what they’re already losing by not taking action.

The Costs of Staying the Same:
❌ Time Waste: Every day they delay is another day they’ll never get back.
❌ Missed Opportunities: Promotions, relationships, business deals—they all pass by when they hesitate.
❌ Emotional Drain: Stress, anxiety, and regret build up over time.
❌ Deteriorating Confidence: The longer they stay stuck, the harder it is to believe they can change.

Let them see the cumulative damage of doing nothing—because once they do, staying where they are will no longer feel safe.

Pain Creates Movement

Change only happens when the pain of staying the same outweighs the fear of moving forward. Your role is to accelerate that realization.

Ask the hard questions. Tell the real stories. Show them what’s at stake.

Because when people truly feel the weight of their stagnation, they won’t just consider change—they’ll chase it.

Step 2: Magnify the Pain & Create Urgency

Why People Stay Stuck (Until It’s Too Late)

Most people don’t change because they believe they have time. They convince themselves that they can deal with their problems later—that things will somehow improve without action.

But time doesn’t fix problems—action does.

If someone already knows they need to change but still isn’t moving, it’s because they haven’t felt the full weight of their stagnation. Your job is to intensify that realization so that change feels not just necessary, but urgent.

When done correctly, taking action will feel like relief, while staying the same will feel unbearable.

How to Make Inaction Feel Unacceptable

1. Use “Future Pacing” to Make Stagnation Feel Real

The brain responds to immediate threats more than distant ones. If someone sees their current struggle as future pain, they won’t act. But if they feel that future pain right now, urgency kicks in.

✅ Ask Powerful Future Pacing Questions:

“If you don’t make a change now, imagine yourself in a year—still stuck in the same place, feeling the same frustration. How does that feel?”
“What will you say to yourself if five years go by and nothing improves? Will you be okay with the regret?”
“Think about the worst-case scenario: What if nothing ever changes? What if this problem follows you for the rest of your life?”

✅ Paint the Picture of Their Future If They Do Nothing:

“Right now, you’re frustrated with your lack of progress. Imagine waking up five years from now and realizing you’re still in the same position—except now, you’re even more tired, even more discouraged, and have wasted years of potential.”
“Think about how much harder it will be to fix this problem later. If it feels difficult now, how will it feel in five, ten, or twenty years?”

When they can vividly see the pain of staying the same, they’ll want to escape it—immediately.

2. Tie Their Problem to Emotional Consequences

Most people don’t change because they lack a strong emotional connection to their pain. They might logically understand the consequences of inaction, but they don’t feel them deeply enough.

Your job is to make them see that this isn’t just about inconvenience—it’s about their happiness, relationships, health, and self-respect.

✅ Make the Consequences Personal:

“How much longer will you let this problem steal your happiness?”
“Every day you wait, you’re choosing to let fear control your future.”
“What’s the cost of inaction? Is it a failed relationship? A missed opportunity? A lifetime of regret?”

✅ Help Them Feel the Emotional Impact of Their Delay:

Regret: “If you don’t take action, will you look back and wonder what could have been?”
Shame: “Are you okay with knowing you had the power to change, but didn’t?”
Missed Opportunities: “What relationships, career moves, or financial gains are slipping away while you wait?”

When they emotionally feel what they’re losing, they’ll stop waiting for the “perfect time” to change—because they’ll realize that every second of waiting is a second of loss.

3. Use Deadlines or Triggers to Force Immediate Action

People procrastinate because they don’t have a clear reason to act NOW. They tell themselves they’ll do it “soon” or “someday.” But without urgency, “someday” turns into never.

✅ Create an Immediate Decision Point:

“If you don’t start today, when will you?”
“What’s stopping you from taking action right now?”
“Every day you wait is another day lost. How many more days are you willing to waste?”

✅ Use External Triggers to Push Action:

Deadlines: “This opportunity won’t always be here. The longer you wait, the harder it gets.”
Scarcity: “The best time to start was yesterday. The second-best time is today.”
Emotional Triggers: “You already know what you need to do. The only question is—will you?”

Urgency Creates Change

The longer someone stays in their comfort zone, the harder it becomes to escape. Your role is to make inaction feel like the real danger, not change.

Magnify the pain. Make the cost of waiting unbearable. Push them toward a decision today.

Because once someone feels the urgency, they won’t just consider change—they’ll chase it.

Step 3: Connect to a Compelling Why

The Power of a Deeply Personal Motivation

Change is hard. But when someone has a strong enough reason, they’ll push through obstacles, discomfort, and doubt.

People don’t take action just because they should—they take action because they must. And that urgency comes from a deeply personal “why.”

Your job is to help them uncover what truly drives them. Without this emotional anchor, motivation fades, and old habits take over. But when their why is powerful enough, they’ll find a way—no matter what.

How to Help Someone Discover Their Why

1. Uncover Their Core Motivation

Most people have surface-level reasons for wanting change. But surface reasons don’t create lasting action. The goal is to dig deeper and find the real, emotional driver behind their desire for transformation.

✅ Ask Powerful Questions:

“Why is this change important to you?”
“What’s the real reason you’re considering this now?”
“What would life look like if you finally achieved this?”
“If you don’t make this change, how will that impact your future?”
“Who else will benefit if you succeed? Who will suffer if you don’t?”

Most people will start with vague answers like, “I want to be healthier” or “I want to be successful.” That’s not enough.

✅ Push Them to Go Deeper:

“Why do you want to be healthier? Is it because you fear a future illness? Want to set a good example for your kids?”
“Why do you want more money? Is it about freedom, security, proving something to yourself?”
“Why does this matter to you right now? What changed?”

Keep asking why until they hit an emotional truth that matters to them.

2. Tie Their Why to an Emotional Reward

Logic doesn’t drive action—emotion does. People need to feel their future success to stay motivated.

✅ Help Them See the Emotional Benefits of Change:

Confidence: “Imagine walking into a room and feeling completely self-assured.”
Security: “What if you never had to stress about money again?”
Joy & Freedom: “Picture waking up every day excited for your life.”
Pride & Legacy: “Think about how proud your future self—or your children—will be when they see what you’ve built.”

How to Make Their Why Stick:

Instead of “I want to lose weight,” shift to → “I want to be healthy so I can watch my kids grow up and be active in their lives.”
Instead of “I want more money,” shift to → “I want financial freedom so I can take care of my family without stress.”
Instead of “I want a better career,” shift to → “I want to wake up excited for work instead of dreading it every morning.”

When their why is personal and emotionally charged, it stops being a casual goal and becomes a mission.

3. Make It Personal & Vivid

A vague why won’t keep someone going when things get tough. But a clear, emotionally compelling vision will.

✅ Have Them Visualize Their Future:

“What does your ideal life look like once you’ve made this change?”
“What will it feel like to finally achieve what you’ve been chasing?”
“Imagine looking back a year from now, knowing you made the right decision. How does that feel?”

✅ Help Them See What’s at Stake:

“If you quit now, how will you feel in 10 years?”
“How will you feel watching others succeed while you stay stuck?”
“Will you be proud of the choices you made?”

The more vividly they can see the pain of quitting and the reward of succeeding, the more unstoppable they become.

A Strong Why Makes Success Inevitable

When people connect with a deep, emotional reason for change, nothing can stop them. Your role is to help them uncover that reason.

Make it personal. Make it emotional. Make them feel what’s at stake.

Because once someone has a powerful why, they won’t just commit to change—they’ll fight for it.

Step 4: Reframe Weakness as Strength

Why the Stories We Tell Ourselves Keep Us Stuck

Most people believe that their weaknesses are roadblocks—that their past failures, lack of resources, or insecurities are proof they’ll never succeed. But here’s the truth:

💡 The very things they see as obstacles are actually their greatest advantages—if they shift their perspective.

Your job is to help them rewrite their story. Instead of seeing their struggles as reasons to quit, they need to see them as the very fuel that will drive their success.

How to Turn Weakness into Strength

1. Identify Their Limiting Beliefs

Before you can help someone reframe their mindset, you need to expose the negative beliefs that are holding them back.

✅ Common Excuses & Limiting Beliefs:

“I’ve failed before, so I’ll fail again.”
“I don’t have enough time/money/support.”
“I’m not smart/talented/experienced enough.”
“I don’t have the confidence to do this.”
“I’ve always been this way—I can’t change.”

Each of these statements is not a fact—it’s a perspective. And perspectives can be changed.

2. Reframe Their Excuses into Strengths

Weakness is only a weakness if they let it be. When reframed correctly, it becomes an advantage.

✅ How to Flip Their Limiting Beliefs:

❌ “I’ve failed before, so I’ll fail again.”
✔️ Reframe: “Your past failures prove you’re willing to try. Now, let’s adjust the approach and learn from what didn’t work.”

❌ “I don’t have enough time.”
✔️ Reframe: “That means you value efficiency. Let’s create a strategy that fits your busy life.”

❌ “I don’t have enough money to invest in myself.”
✔️ Reframe: “That means you’ll appreciate every opportunity and work harder than someone who takes resources for granted.”

❌ “I’m not confident enough.”
✔️ Reframe: “That means you’ve been through challenges and survived. Confidence isn’t something you’re born with—it’s built through action.”

When people see that their biggest "flaws" are actually hidden strengths, their excuses lose power.

3. Show Real-Life Examples of People Who Turned Weakness into Strength

It’s not enough to tell people this works—they need proof.

✅ Stories of Transformation:

Thomas Edison failed over 10,000 times before inventing the light bulb. Instead of seeing failure as a weakness, he viewed it as data collection.
Oprah Winfrey was fired from her first television job and told she wasn’t fit for TV. That rejection became the motivation that drove her to become one of the most influential media moguls of all time.
J.K. Rowling was a broke, single mother who was rejected by multiple publishers. Instead of letting her circumstances define her, she turned her struggles into the foundation of her storytelling success.

These people didn’t succeed despite their struggles—they succeeded because of them.

Weakness Is Just Strength in Disguise

When people believe their limitations define them, they stay stuck. But when they see their struggles as the very things that will make them stronger, smarter, and more resilient, their entire world shifts.

Your role? Help them rewrite their story. Show them that they aren’t weak, broken, or incapable.

They are powerful, experienced, and uniquely positioned for success—if they choose to see it.

Step 5: Make Success Feel Inevitable

Why Fear of Failure Keeps People Stuck

Most people don’t hesitate because they lack ambition—they hesitate because they fear failure.

💡 The key to overcoming this fear is making success feel like the only possible outcome.

If someone truly believes they can succeed, they will push forward. If they doubt themselves, they will sabotage their progress before they even start.

Your job is to remove doubt, simplify the process, and create momentum. When success feels inevitable, they will stop hesitating and start taking action.

How to Make Success Feel Unstoppable

1. Provide a Clear, Simple Plan

Uncertainty breeds fear. If someone feels overwhelmed by the process, they won’t even begin.

✅ Break the journey into small, manageable steps:

Instead of saying, “You need to change your entire routine,” say: “Let’s start with just one new habit today.”
Instead of “You need to build a six-figure business,” say: “Let’s focus on getting your first customer.”

✅ Give them an immediate action step:

“Here’s exactly what to do next—just take this one step today.”
“Forget about the entire process—let’s focus on just your first milestone.”

The simpler and more achievable the first step feels, the faster they’ll take action.

People need proof that what they’re attempting has worked for others. If they believe someone like them has already succeeded, they’ll trust that they can, too.

✅ Show success stories:

Testimonials from past clients or customers.
Case studies of people who started where they are and achieved results.
Real-life examples of individuals who overcame similar struggles.

✅ Make the stories relatable:

“This is Sarah. She used to struggle just like you. But after taking the first step, she saw results within weeks.”
“John was in the exact same position you are now. Today, he’s thriving—because he didn’t let fear stop him.”

When people see that success isn’t just possible—it’s common—they will believe in their own ability to achieve it.

3. Give Them a First Win Fast

Success builds momentum. The faster someone sees even a small result, the more confident they become in their ability to keep going.

✅ Create an easy early win:

If they’re starting a fitness journey, have them commit to just one 10-minute workout.
If they’re launching a business, guide them to get their first customer or sale quickly.
If they’re struggling with self-doubt, give them a simple confidence-building exercise.

✅ Make their progress feel tangible:

“See? You’ve already made progress. Now, let’s build on this.”
“You just proved to yourself that you can do this. What’s stopping you from taking the next step?”

Momentum is addictive—once they feel a win, they’ll want more.

4. Instill Confidence & Certainty

The biggest mental barrier people face is doubt. If you can remove their uncertainty and make them feel unstoppable, they’ll act with confidence.

✅ Reaffirm their decision:

“You’ve already made the choice to change. Now, let’s make it happen.”
“The hardest part isn’t doing the work—it’s deciding to start. And you’ve already won that battle.”

✅ Help them shift their identity:

“You’re no longer someone who wants to change—you’re someone who is changing.”
“This isn’t about hoping you succeed. It’s about knowing you will.”

When someone believes success is inevitable, they will approach challenges with a completely different mindset—one that guarantees they keep going.

When Success Feels Certain, Action Becomes Easy

People don’t need more motivation—they need certainty.

If you can remove their fear of failure, show them an easy first step, and prove that others have succeeded before them, their doubts will disappear.

When they truly believe success is not just possible but inevitable, they will no longer hesitate.

They will move forward with confidence—because failure will no longer feel like an option.

Final Thoughts: Excite, Inspire, and Transform

The most money you’ll ever make (and the most impact you’ll ever have) comes from helping people see that the pain of staying the same is greater than the pain of change.

But excitement isn’t in the change itself—it’s in why this time is different.

When people commit to their why, they commit to themselves. And that’s where transformation begins.

Are you ready to help others create their breakthrough? It starts with one question:

Why now?